There's No Door to Hit You in That Fine Ass
by rebelrsr
Summary: Faith stops in for a drink and some vampire dusting, but she finds that there are more dangers than she anticipated.


The place was a dump. A dump filled with enough fat, bearded, stinking demons to make Faith long for the five-star resort feel of prison. Her Slayer senses screamed. She ignored them. All in good time. It had been a shit week. She'd get a drink or five and _then _the motherfuckers stinking up this bar would discover all they needed to know about Faith.

Striding to the bar, Faith grabbed a stool. She'd missed the real charm of the shithole. The eye candy. The only other woman in the place raised a glass in salute. "You lost, kid?"

Faith leaned with her back to the bar. "I ask for directions?"

"Still got time before your stupid gets you killed." The woman tossed back the tequila she'd been holding. She slammed the glass onto the bar top and waved at the bartender. "Line 'em up!" While the bearded wonder behind the bar grabbed a bottle and glasses, the woman glanced back at Faith. "You're still here."

"And maybe you should stick to water. If you think I'm leavin', you've had too much," Faith commented. "When you're done pouring for my friend, I'd like a Jack and Coke. Light on the Coke." She turned her attention back to the men in the bar. Some of them felt familiar.

They felt like vampires. The rest…weren't human _or _vampires. They pinged so hot and hard she felt it in her bones. Faith clenched her fists rather than check that her weapons were easy to reach. This bar wasn't what she'd expected.

Fear tried to overrun Faith's normal bravado.

"Here you go." The bartender slid Faith's glass along the bar, and she turned in time to catch it before it tumbled over the edge.

She dug a twenty out of her pocket. "Keep the change." The first sip held the right mix of sweet and burn. Faith savored it. The second went down smoother. She needed a plan – and a headcount. There were too many for Faith's usual bum rush, even discounting the Super Demons in the room.

"We're almost in position," a voice announced.

Faith glanced around. In position? Cops said shit like that. Not drunk demon bikers.

And that's when she heard it. "We've got a problem," the woman next to her mumbled into her empty glass. "There's a civilian in the bar."

"Keep her safe," the other voice announced. "Otherwise, stick to the plan. We're coming in three…"

When the countdown started, Faith went on high alert. She finished her drink. Turned to her companion. "Don't bother keeping me safe. I'm no civilian."

"What?" The woman's question coincided with a "Two" from the unseen counter. Now Faith spotted the flesh-colored radio receiver in the woman's ear. Caught the hint of the attached microphone peeking from the woman's jacket sleeve.

Anticipating the final count and the raid by the woman's team, Faith slipped off the stool. "Half the assholes in here are mine. I'm Faith, a Vampire Slayer." She yanked two stakes from the loops inside her jacket.

The door to the bar flew off its hinges at the same time the woman joined Faith, a glowing gun in her hand.

One of the bikers noted the gun. "The Heir!" He stumbled back.

What the fuck? Every Super Demon had glowing red eyes! Faith didn't have time to freak (much) before the fight broke out. To the unaccustomed sound of gunfire, she threw a stake across the room. The vampire about to attack a black man in a camo jacket and Kevlar vest turned to dust.

She went through five more before the woman next to her walked forward with an alluring sway of hips. "You can't win, boys. Might was well get ready for the fiery ride home!" One of the Super Demons charged.

Faith took a step toward the woman, intending to protect the idiot with the gun – when the gun started to glow.

The woman pulled the trigger.

And a swirling, fiery hole opened in the floor beneath the demon's feet. He screamed the entire time something dragged him into the hole. Faith couldn't look away. Not then, or the three other times it happened. She fought on autopilot. Vampires came. Vampires lost.

When the dust settled, only Faith and the woman remained. Her team melted away as quickly as they'd appeared. "Who the fuck are you?" Faith demanded. "And what were those things?"

"I could ask you the same thing, kid." Completely unconcerned, the woman swaggered behind the bar. "Vampire Slayer?"

"The Heir?" Faith mocked.

The woman laughed as she drank straight from a bottle of tequila. "The one and only." She tossed Faith a bottle of whiskey. "Wynonna Earp, heir to the Earp Legacy." Wynonna tossed her hair. "I'm kind of a big deal around here."

Faith set the bottle on the bar without opening it. "Never heard of you."

"I could say the same about you. Who comes to the biggest Revenant hangout in Purgatory with a few sharp pieces of wood?" Wynonna asked. She drew her gun, resting it on the bar. "This is a gunslinger town."

"Good thing I'm just passing through." Faith tossed one of the Council cards at Wynonna. "You ever decide you need a real hero to help you with your demon problem, call that number. I might make a house call for an old friend." She turned and headed for the door. Time to leave this sad one-horse town.

"Hey, Faith!" Wynonna called as Faith stepped over the broken door. "I do like the way you improve the landscape." When Faith glanced over her shoulder, Wynonna winked. "Glad there's no door to hit you in that fine ass."


End file.
